Down 16 lbs!

I haven't been on the scale in weeks, probably over a month. But last night I made up my mind to get on it and be okay with whatever it said. i was very surprised...

I have lost 8 lbs since my last weigh-in.

PLUS the 6 that I had lost previous to that...

and then this morning, I did my "true weight" (first in the morning) and I was down another 2.

WOW! It was definitely the motivation that I needed to keep going.

In August of 2011, we're going to New York for Adam's brother's wedding.

 I'd LOVE to be down to a regular size, not plus size.

That's 34 weeks away! A LOT can be lost by then.

YAY!

Dog Biscuits!

Usually, we get dog biscuits from Petco and pay $3.99 a pound. Our dogs love them, so I figure it's worth it once in awhile. However, I noticed that our dog biscuits were getting low and we hadn't been to Petco in awhile, so I decided to bake my own! Do you know how incredibly EASY it is to bake dog biscuits?!!! I googled "dog biscuit recipes" and it came up with one that I used. In the next few weeks I'm going to bake some different types, but here's the Peanut Butter Dog Biscuit Recipe!

2 cups whole-wheat flour
1 tbsp. baking powder
1 cup peanut butter (chunky or smooth)
1 cup milk

Preheat oven to 375'F. In a bowl, combine flour and baking powder. In another bowl, mix peanut butter and milk, then add to dry ingredients and mix well. Place dough on a lightly floured surface and knead. Roll dough to 1/4 inch thickness and use a cookie cutter to cut out shapes. Bake for 20 minutes on a greased baking sheet until lightly brown. Cool on a rack, then store in an airtight container. --- This is the original recipe, but I have found the cookies burn easily.

Courtesy of Bullwrinkle

I baked mine at 370 for about 10 minutes instead of 375 for 20. They didn't burn, and they are incredbly soft still a few hours later. My dogs literally salivated over them!

Overwhelmingly Overwhelmed.

I've recently started a diet--- err, lifestyle change, inspired by Luke and Leah's Weight Loss. I've started a low carb diet, hoping to jumpstart some weight loss. I'm only on day 2, and while this morning I was feeling great, I was in tears by 7 o'clock this evening.

This isn't new for me- when I change my eating habits, I have an overload of emotions. When I worked out with my trainer, I would eat well all day, work out with her, and come home and cry all night. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I think that the overall weight loss goal- I need to lose a whopping 120 lbs to even get into the high range of my weight class- is so incredibly scary to me. Everyone says, take it day by day. And I try, but it just kills me.

So tonight, when I was pumped up for Zumba and I called 5 people to go with me- all of them declined- and I couldn't find my right shoes to work out- I just burst into tears. I curled up into a ball on the couch and sobbed. My boyfriend looked at me with sadness and bewilderment. I ended up not going. It's only 7:11 and I'm already regretting not going, but when I'm in these moods, I feel myself fighting back tears while doing the workout.

This part may get me in trouble. I have several facebook friends that have gotten Lap Band and gastric bypass surgery. I'm incredibly jealous of this. Because, like them, I've struggled with my weight for years. (about 15). Unlike them, I can't afford the surgery. I can't afford it, and Adam isn't in the military- so insurance covering it is also out of the question. I'm also not going to take out a $15,000-$20,000 loan. I'm not saying that weight loss surgeries are cheating, but a part of me feels that having a surgery puts you leaps and bounds before me in the weight loss game.

So, here I am. Tomorrow's day 3. I've heard that after day 3 you don't crave the carbs as much. I don't worry about craving the carbs as much as getting bored with the selection that I have. Today while I was eating green beans and chicken and salad, I wanted to steal my coworkers Spanish Rice.

I hope things get better... this is life or death now.

Thankfulness

As the weather gets colder and the leaves crisper, I can't help but think about the wonderful holidays coming up! The holiday season is really the best time of the year, and as I've gotten older I've really become a lot happier when Christmas rolls around. (It helps that last year I was on a beach the week before!)

In honor of Thanksgiving and the Facebook "Thankfulness" challenge- I will post the things I am most grateful for. But I won't do it every day. Maybe every week or so. So since it's already November 5, here's 5 things I'm so thankful for today:

1. Adam. He came into my life like a whirlwind and stuck around. He's seen me at my absolute worst, he's seen me at my radiant best. We have so much fun together. We get each other. We're stubborn together. We have barely anything in common except for our joint love from the Golden Girls. He loves anything grilled and I'm a sucker for fried; he loves old music and I'm a total pop star; he loves Clint Eastwood movies but I love Reese Witherspoon. It works. He adores me, and I'm quite fond of him as well.

2. My job. Sure, it's rough some days. Sure, it took 100 resumes, 2 interviews and 20 rejection letters to get here, but a lot of people are still without jobs in this economy. I'm grateful for the opportunity and the challenge that it is and will be for me.

3. Zumba. Before I got caught up in Zumba, I was silently (okay, not so silently) cursing my ever widening hips at home, sitting on the couch. Zumba has not only given me a lot more energy, shrunk me just a little, but also given me valuable "me" time- away from the hustle and bustle of my home! I love that one hour I'm away!

4. My mother. She's a good mama. She answers my 20 calls a day, she laughs at most things I have to say, but she can always put me in my place.

5. Mod Podge. I love it. It has helped me in my pursuit of crafts. I love creating things, and it makes it all work!

Roasted Brussels and Buffalo Chicken Breast

Tonight I made roasted brussel sprouts and buffalo chicken breasts. I love, love brussel sprouts but only if they're made a certain way. I don't like them boiled at all, which unfortunately is how most people remember their parents making them. This is an easy, easy recipe that will make you love your brussels!!!

Laylan's Roasted Brussels

Olive Oil

Salt/Pepper

Tabasco

Bushel of Brussel Sprouts

Cut and wash your brussel sprouts in half. (Don't discard the loose leaves as they make the crispiest parts!)

Toss with olive oil (enough to make it evenly coated, not greasy), salt and pepper, a few dashes of Tabasco.

Broil in the oven for 15-20 minutes. They will be brown and very crispy. 

They are a great substitute for fries!

Grilled Buffalo Chicken Breasts

Chicken Breasts

Frank's Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce

Pepper

Distilled white vinegar

Pound the chicken breasts with a meat mallet to get them thinner.

Stab the chicken breasts with a sharp knife several times (this will let in the marinade)

Mix 1 part vinegar with 2 parts Frank's. (This is mostly to taste)

Add pepper to mixture.

Brush on the mixture to your chicken breasts (both sides) and refrigerate.

Grill until chicken is done!

If you want more spice you can add more of the sauce after you bring the chicken in from the grill.

Sandwiches- Pair with bleu cheese, ranch, lettuce and a good burger bun!

Tis the season to give.......

In October I embarked on a coat drive for my work. I decided that we would collect coats for the month of October and distribute them on October 29. By October 15, I had not received the amount of coats that I expected. I had been on the radio and in the paper, put out donation bins, etc, but coats were just not coming in.

I knew I needed to change my whole attitude and game plan. I asked myself where to go. I started emailing schools, more newspapers, putting up flyers, recruiting volunteers, telling everyone I knew! In the last 2 weeks we've brought in over 100 additional coats! We're at 154 right now and it's only getting better and better.

I am so surprised and thankful for the outpouring of generosity from the community. The community has embraced us and helped with this amazing cause. Now, over a hundred people will have a warm coat for the winter. It is so fantastic!

Thought for the day: How can you give back to your community? This season there will be a lot of opportunities. Choose one (or all!) and give back!

-Angel Trees
-Donations at Supermarkets
-Volunteer at Soup Kitchen/Food Pantry
-Donate a coat!
-Donate $10 worth of food to a food drive (Most cans are $.50 apiece! that's 20 cans of food for $10!)
-Salvation Army takes clothes, furniture, etc.
-Donate your change!
-Round up! Lots of restaurants are offering "round up for a cause" when you order something. Will you really miss that extra $.86 cents?

Fat. (long post)

Today, I had a wake up call 23 years in the making.

Let me start from the beginning. I started having weight issues in 3rd grade- when I started developing breasts. I gained, and was a size 12 in 6th grade. In 8th grade, I wore a DD bra. By the time I graduated high school, I was a DDD, nearing 200 lbs. In 2009 I chose to take control of this ongoing struggle by hiring a personal trainer. She was a godsend. I dropped 25 lbs in a little over a month. I looked fantastic.

However... I got cocky. I stopped going to work outs, I didn't watch my food intake. I was in a new relationship. We ate out every night. We snacked. I didn't work out.

I was SHOCKED when we went on a cruise in December and NONE of my summer clothes fit. This is called... DENIAL. I've gained a lot of weight. I weigh more now than I have ever before, and 30 lbs more than when I started with my trainer.

Fast forward to today. We're at Silver Dollar City. my breasts- still ever so large- were a source of concern to fit on the rides. My waist is, too. I researched which rides were unforgiving to thick girls. I avoided one at all costs. The one that I did ride- barely closed over my breasts. When we went to ride it a second time, it wouldn't latch. The attendant had me move, and whispered to me, "Sweetie, you're going to have to ride in the big and tall harnesses" Oh. My. God.

I realized, probably more clearly than ever before- that this isn't a pride thing anymore. I've always been the "thick girl". I've made excuses. I've said that I like being the curvy girl. All lies. I realized that my quality of life is suffering- if things keep going this way I'll have to put on a plus size wedding dress, have a high risk pregnancy (and not have the cute baby bump like other girls)... put myself at risk for diabetes, heart disease, etc. etc.... and not be able to ride at amusement parks! Horrible.

So, it's starting again. I'm dusting off the "diet" that I had with my personal trainer, even though it's not a diet, and more of a lifestyle change. I'm going to change my life. It might take me six months, a year, two years, three years. But I will never do this again. I owe it to myself- and I DESERVE IT! too much to let this continue to happen.

Stay tuned....

Death doesn't bargain.

Death doesn't bargain.

AUGUST STRINDBERG, The Dance of Death

I've been lucky. I haven't had to deal with death the way that some others have. Unfortunately for us, death has a ripple effect: someone you haven't seen in years, an acquaintance you had words with once, and old coworker... an estranged ex lover or friend... you feel it when they're gone.

Today I got a call from a friend who had just learned that her ex had passed away. He appeared in our lives briefly, years ago, and had faded out. He had married, she had married... but they kept in touch. He was merely 28 years old, and he died in a very tragic way. Fortunately for him there was very little suffering, it was over before he could truly process what was happening.

Every day that you wake up is a precious, fragile, gift. You could be killed on the way to work, in a post office shooting on your lunch break, by a medical ailment that you didn't know you had. Life is fleeting- here and gone so very quickly.

I encourage you not to hold grudges. Call those people that cross your mind. Make peace with yourself, with them, before it's too late. Don't burn bridges... Love and be loved. Don't worry about small things, don't let negativity get you down. It's your only life.

Rest in peace, Hardford.

NO H8!

There's a lot of hate lately. From bullying to the Republicans vs Democrats, to Don't Ask Don't Tell, hate has enveloped and surrounded our lives.  Our society thrives on it, have you noticed that?

A lot of celebrities have gone to YouTube to talk about the recent suicides of gay students, and Sarah Silverman is one of them. Watch below:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM6xbW1DZyM&feature=channel

Sarah's got a point, you know. What are we teaching our kids? We're teaching them that it's not okay to be gay, even though, if you're not gay, who are you to judge what's "natural" and not?

My dad asked me once, after asking him if being gay was a sin: "do you like boys?" I replied yes. "How do you know that you like boys?" I replied that I had always felt that way, since I was little. He asked if I didn't choose to be straight, how could someone choose to be gay? I'll always remember that.

Hate's all around us, but we don't have to succumb to it. Choose to LOVE instead of HATE. Choose to  be above it all, to accept the unacceptable, forgive the unforgivable. Your life will be so much more fulfilling if you just let go of all of that negativity.

WTH Moment: Adam's test

Something I'd like to do often here is my "What the Hell?" Moment. I have a lot of these in my life. I enjoy them, but I feel strange while they're happening. So here's what happened today:

Adam just went back to school after 10 years of just hanging out at home. He is taking Intro to College Writing, which I've realized is just a glamourized version of Ninth Grade Language Arts. His teacher is ridiculous and takes of several points if the spacing is wrong or she doesn't like your font (even if she didn't specify a font that must be used). Furthermore, she puts STICKERS on the students papers or frowny faces when he brings home a bad grade.

I think that a 27 year old who is in Intro to College Writing can do without stickers on his paper.

WHAT THE HELL.

Laylan's Easy Tortilla Soup

Today I was feeling horrible. I decided that what I needed was a warm bowl of soup to fill my tummy. I've cooked since I was little but I am constantly improving my recipes and making new ones to fit my individual tastes. Here's my super easy, semi-homemade tortilla soup recipe. Try it out!

Laylan's Tortilla Soup

3/4 cup chopped cilantro

1/2 cup chopped onion

2 tbsp minced garlic

1 can canned chicken

1 can reduced-sodium chicken broth

1 lg can crushed tomatoes

1 can kernel corn

1 Taco Seasoning Packet

Toppings, as desired:

Sour cream

cheddar cheese

Sliced Avocado

Tortilla Chips

1. Heat 2 tsp olive oil on stove in soup pan. When hot, add garlic and onion and cilantro. Cook for 1-2 min.

2. Add chicken, chicken broth, tomatoes and corn. Let simmer for a few minutes. The liquid will reduce down a bit.

3. Add 1/2 taco seasoning packet along with a few dashes of salt and pepper.

4. Cook until all is heated thoroughly. (5-10 min) and as much liquid is reduce down as you'd like. (The higher the heat, the quicker it will go)

5. Ladel into bowls. Add shredded cheese, a dollop of sour cream, and crushed tortilla chips on top. Add chunks of avocado on top of everything. 

For added spice, you can add some hot pepper flakes, slices of jalapenos and cumin.

Avocado is so great in this recipe because it melts in your mouth with the soup!! YUM!

Bon Apetit!