Fat. (long post)

Today, I had a wake up call 23 years in the making.

Let me start from the beginning. I started having weight issues in 3rd grade- when I started developing breasts. I gained, and was a size 12 in 6th grade. In 8th grade, I wore a DD bra. By the time I graduated high school, I was a DDD, nearing 200 lbs. In 2009 I chose to take control of this ongoing struggle by hiring a personal trainer. She was a godsend. I dropped 25 lbs in a little over a month. I looked fantastic.

However... I got cocky. I stopped going to work outs, I didn't watch my food intake. I was in a new relationship. We ate out every night. We snacked. I didn't work out.

I was SHOCKED when we went on a cruise in December and NONE of my summer clothes fit. This is called... DENIAL. I've gained a lot of weight. I weigh more now than I have ever before, and 30 lbs more than when I started with my trainer.

Fast forward to today. We're at Silver Dollar City. my breasts- still ever so large- were a source of concern to fit on the rides. My waist is, too. I researched which rides were unforgiving to thick girls. I avoided one at all costs. The one that I did ride- barely closed over my breasts. When we went to ride it a second time, it wouldn't latch. The attendant had me move, and whispered to me, "Sweetie, you're going to have to ride in the big and tall harnesses" Oh. My. God.

I realized, probably more clearly than ever before- that this isn't a pride thing anymore. I've always been the "thick girl". I've made excuses. I've said that I like being the curvy girl. All lies. I realized that my quality of life is suffering- if things keep going this way I'll have to put on a plus size wedding dress, have a high risk pregnancy (and not have the cute baby bump like other girls)... put myself at risk for diabetes, heart disease, etc. etc.... and not be able to ride at amusement parks! Horrible.

So, it's starting again. I'm dusting off the "diet" that I had with my personal trainer, even though it's not a diet, and more of a lifestyle change. I'm going to change my life. It might take me six months, a year, two years, three years. But I will never do this again. I owe it to myself- and I DESERVE IT! too much to let this continue to happen.

Stay tuned....