Christmas Photos

Yesterday we had a mini photo sessions for our Christmas card photo...

And I just have to say......

We are seriously, without a doubt.....

The CUTEST couple....

Ever.

Dear Austin

Earlier this week, the world lost a friend of mine named Austin. His death came quickly and I've been a little stunned and speechless about what to say about him, but as I lay in bed tonight, I couldn't stop thinking about him and the memories that we'd had.

I decided that the only way to get to sleep was to write it down, send it out into the space where thoughts and memories and dreams go, and maybe some others will be able to grasp what kind of person Austin was. What follows is a letter I have written to him...

Dear Austin,
I don't even know where to begin. For the first time in my life I'm speechless. It's a strange mixture of sadness, fond memories, even a bit of laughter. I guess I'll start from the beginning. My first vivid memory of you is in a wretched class that we shared. You sat in the front and I was a sophomore. I remember thinking that you were a "know it all". I soon realized that, compared to my limited knowledge, you really did know it all. I started to learn that your depth and breadth of knowledge was far larger than I would ever be able to reach, your humor and biting wit was sophisticated and touched topics that I, as a 20 year old, had not yet begun to understand.

As we had several more classes together I grew quite fond of you, your observations of the school, the teachers and the assignments were a great delight to me, as you always seemed so in control, so much more involved than I ever managed to be.

When I ran into you downtown one chilly winter night, you with your smile and scarf and signature hat, your beautiful wife Rachel by your side, you shook my hand and nodded toward Adam and said, "Two of my favorite people together. It works. I really like what's going on here." I remember thinking that I didnt know why but your opinion really struck a chord with me, I was happy that you approved, knowing both of us for awhile- and I remember thinking, "I'm one of his favorite people! Wow!" I never thought you'd think of me with much substance!

Since then, we kept in touch via Facebook, you helping me locate Gardettos on a salt-crazed craving, sharing our love of all things politics, helping me with Star Wars references that I *still* don't quite get. And when Seth told me that you were in the hospital during the Roast, I thought nothing of it... you'd been in and out of the hospital since I met you, so I assumed this was short term... you'd update us on Facebook now and again, usually with clever little pictures, making light. I never worried. I knew you were a fighter.

So when I read your CaringBridge journal and I realized that the situation was far worse than I could ever imagine, I just froze. I dreaded my email, as news got worse and worse. The last one, I just knew. I sat at my desk and read it with tears in my eyes, knowing that you were finally at peace, you didn't have to fight anymore. But I know that the pain is still there for your family, your sister and mom, Rachel, whom you adored, and Nate, who you always talked about in class. 

I didn't know you the longest, and we weren't the closest. We didn't talk every day, or even every week. But your death has a strong impact on me. Apart from missing your personality and humor that you brought to life, I'll miss your courageous spirit, your fighting attitude, your unwavering hope that things will get better. No matter what life threw your way, you took it and beat it. You fought the good, long, fight.

I'll miss you, buddy.

Laylan


You can read about Austin's life here http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/austinclifford

Chiefs Scarves

Breaking Dawn: Part I (I for Inappropriate)

Note: May contain spoilers. Do not read if you dont like spoilers but haven't yet read the Twilight books (And if you havent but plan to, you probably should cause they're on the fourth movie. Sheesh)

In 2008, the Twilight saga's first movie came out. I, being relatively clueless, had not yet heard of Twilight until about two weeks before the movie's debut. At first I thought "Vampires? No thanks." I snubbed them, as a person of literary snobbery usually does. I recall in high school when everyone was fawning over Harry Potter and I also had no interest. Fantasy smatansy. (I've always had a thing for true crime, mainly from my father's collection of books, and I was asked by my 5th grade teacher if my parents knew I was reading The Burning Bed, when I took it out for free reading time)

However, I went to the movie just to see what all of the buzz was about. Immediately after viewing the (let's face it, B caliber movie) I picked up the first Twilight book. Then the second, third, and fourth. I didn't tell a lot of people that i was reading these books, because they had gained a reputation of being for mostly tweens and teenagers, I felt embarrassed, at 22, picking them up from the "Young Readers" section of Hastings. I did get through the four books, although i felt that the fourth book, Breaking Dawn, was incredibly disturbing. It explained in graphic detail a sex scene between the two main characters, then detailed her drinking blood to feed this demonic fetus that had been spawned inside her, and her subsequent traumatic delivery of said demon. It creeped me out.

Let's just say that these movies will never win anything more than an MTV movie award. (Probably for best kiss). The movies are full of beautiful cinematography, but as for the acting, it leaves something to be desired. So why is everyone gaga over Bella and Edward? I think I have a few ideas:

1.) Edward is the "perfect" man. Other than the fact that he is undead, 17 years old forever, and mostly a freaking drama queen, teens and young adults (and even a 70 year old lady at my office) fawn over him. Why? Because to the teens, he's who they look for in a mate (what it's supposed to be like as teenagers in love). To the young adults, they strive to find that in the beer-guzzling frat boys that they are surrounded with, and to the older crowd, he represents chivalry, and an honest break from the ball-scratching, dirty old man that their once charming groom has grown into.

2.) The setting is realistic. Stephenie Meyer took vampires out from coffins and stakes, away from mansions with cobwebs and fangs. She placed them in our world- and made them closer to humanlike. They possess unbelievable beauty and poise, and money. They are not a threat to your world as they do not kill humans for their feeding. In theory, any man that we meet at a bar or at the supermarket could be an Edward Cullen.

3.) Everyone loves a forbidden love story. Romeo + Juliet. Cleopatra and Marc Antony. Sonny and Cher. All of these relationships were filled with tumultuous times, death threats, thinking that your brother was going to suck her blood... oh wait, that's just Bella and Edward. So we find ourselves rooting for the crazy kids, (or in some cases, Jacob, the werewolf) pining for them to find a way to live happily ever after. See: Every Katherine Heigl movie.

As I sat in Breaking Dawn Part 1, I realized how ridiculous the story line really, truly was. But that's okay, because we have enough real life stories out there. Enough broken hearted stories. Maybe what we all need is a little fantasy, something that, in our minds could just happen....

Seizure Control

Note: I'm not a doctor, so please always call 911 if faced with a situation that requires medical attention. Also, I asked Adam for permission before I shared these stories with my readers. :)

When I met Adam in 2009, I knew he was different, (meaning he was the most charming, most adorable, wittiest person I'd ever laid my eyes on), but soon I found out that he had had some trauma in his childhood and was left with a traumatic brain injury. In addition to his brain injury, he has also had seizures since he was 16 years old. He spoke of it as any other every day thing, such as that he had three siblings and his birthday was the day after Halloween.

This terrified me. I have never been around anyone who had seizures before, and so the only image I had of epilepsy and seizures was what I had seen on tv and movies. And those aren't exactly happy representations of this condition.

At the time that we started dating Adam was having seizures once a week. Before we met they were as often as every day. I was on high alert. I didn't know how I was going to react. I felt, at the time, that this may be a dealbreaker for me. I may not be able to deal with it. How selfish of me!

So there we were, a month into our relationship, when he had a seizure. I cried. It was really hard to watch him in pain. It was over before I knew it and I remember thinking that it wasn't as bad as I had built up in my mind.

It's been two years since we started dating and Adam has had countless seizures since then. Some of them have been in public, and I see the looks on people's faces. It's part curiosity, part rubbernecking, part shock, part confusion. People just don't know what to do. After a late night catching a plane to Austin, Texas, Adam had a seizure on the plane. I put away my magazine and slid my hands over Adam's as he started twitching. I locked into his eyes as they filled with tears and said, "Just breathe. It's gonna be okay." A man across the aisle stared at him, and I could see the wheels spinning in his mind, thinking of what to do, if he should call the attendant for help. I made eye contact and smiled, and he smiled back, a knowing glance. He knew I had it under control.

Another time we were in a busy hotel getting breakfast when I heard a plate crash to the ground. Adam was standing there, biscuits and gravy covering his shoes, and he looked at me in a panic. "I twitched.." he said. Kids, adults alike looked at him. I sat him in the nearest chair and handed him a banana. (We've found that bananas have reduced his seizures significantly)

Instead of the once selfish Laylan that thought, "How will this affect my life?" I now look at these situations as a team effort. I did research. I made some of my own diagnoses. We regulated his sleep schedule, diet and he cut down on his smoking. He ate bananas and took potassium supplements. We used breathing and awareness techniques. Gradually, they slowed. Eventually, they stopped. Adam's been (mostly) seizure free for over a year. A condition that he's had since he was 16 years old has stopped. WOW. Isn't that amazing? I'm incredibly proud of what he has accomplished. Ahem. We. What we have accomplished.

What spurred this blog was that a woman on campus had a seizure today. Adam came out of his class and a group had gathered around her, gawking as she lay on the floor, cradled by a couple of other girls. Seizures are very scary and I understand that curiosity is natural. But understand that there is a person behind the condition.

If you are with someone who has a seizure: -First see if you can communicate with them. There are several types of seizures, and some seizures do not render the person unconscious. If they can communicate with you, ask them what you can do to help them. If they are unconscious, put them on their side. If you are not familiar with this person, he/she could choke. Placing them on their side will keep them safe. Do not- do-not- put a wooden spoon in their mouth. (Old Wive's Tale).

-If the person is not conscious, call Public Safety or 911. The dispatcher can walk you through actions until the paramedics get there. If you are unsure, call 911.

What I've learned from this is that nothing in life is as scary as it seems. Everything can be managed, and, especially in Adam's situation, with a little research and change of lifestyle, improved.

Love your tatas.

As everyone knows, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. If you don't know, have you been living under a rock? With all of the pink floating around, it looks like someone spilled a million gallon vat of Pepto! I have somewhat of a problem with everyone commercializing the month- even in the name of charity.

But, I digress. The Susan G. Komen Foundation has done a lot for breast cancer awareness, and that was part of the reason that I applied to work with them in 2010. I drove to Wichita, KS and interviewed in a 2nd round interview and was a finalist to becoming an Education Coordinator with them. It was my dream job.

There are two reasons that I care so deeply about breast cancer awareness.

The first is that I have breasts, and I feel that everyone should be aware of their body. The girls and I have been together since they came onto the scene when I was in third grade, and I was the only one in Mrs. Lankford's class to have breasts, strapped in by a hot pink sports bra. I remember looking down my shirt all day, that first day, because I was in awe of what was growing there. I was the only girl in my class (that I knew of) that was wearing a bra at this time. None of my friends could relate. In fact, no one could really relate to me until I was in sixth grade, when my friends were getting theirs. By 8th grade, I was a DD. By the time I graduated high school I was a DDD.

I got a lot of attention for my breasts and still do to this day. I used to try to cover them as much as possible, as they were a source of embarrassment. T-Shirts stopped fitting right, and still don't, dresses that fit me on top are too large on bottom. Many tear soaked shopping trips with my mother happened between ages 9 and 17.

I was a freshman in high school when I really started owning my breasts. I started to wear more revealing clothing but always tried to maintain modesty. However, that wasn't always so simple. I had to layer shirts as regular shirts would show too much.

The second reason is that my grandmother is a breast cancer survivor. When I was in high school, I heard through the family grapevine that she was going through treatment. She didn't tell me at first, and she didn't tell me when it came back when I was in college. She said that she didn't want to distract me from my studies, but I wanted to be there for her. Since she's gone through this, we've become much closer. She's a true fighter- she fought it tooth and nail and has now been several years in remission.

Because I have large, dense breasts and my grandmother is a survivor, there are obvious concerns that I might also get it. There are options for testing for the breast cancer gene, which can tentatively predict if one may develop breast cancer. Some who have discovered that they have this mutation elect to have hysterectomies and masectomies (breast removal). I have elected not to be tested for this gene. I simply do not feel ready to take the necessary steps, if I am positive for the gene. I also do not live my life in fear.

I get yearly breast exams by my doctor and I have been sent for three ultrasounds and one mammogram, all came back negative. It was quite odd, being 22, at a mammogram machine. So odd, in fact, that even though I was referred by my physician, my insurance wouldn't cover it.

I worry about it sometimes, but we cannot control these things. All we can do is be diligent by monthly self-exams (this is how my grandmother found her lump that led to the removal of the breast). You cannot wait for your yearly exam to have your doctor catch it. They're your breasts- you are responsible for their health and well-being! Take care of your tatas. They're the only (natural) ones you get!

First Couponing Trip!

My friend and I have been taking a couponing class the last couple of weeks. While I thought it was fun to get organized for this, I was a bit lost as to how couponers get such great deals. Well last night, it all clicked.

We arrived at class and we had missed something big: No more instruction. Tonight, we’re going shopping. The teacher said that the class had used the weekend to make their lists. We didn’t have lists. So we listened to the deals and went through our coupon binders, huge binder with 40 categories, everything from Frozen Foods to Pets, to Paper Products to even- Baby Care (Yes I know I don’t have any babies, but I might someday!)

My fellow couponers said there was a great deal at Walgreens for 12 pack toilet paper for 2.00 each (with one coupon, Walgreens Register Rewards and the monthly coupon book) . I was very excited about this! However, we’d been beaten when we got there- the classmates had already been there and purchased all of it, (their second trip for toilet paper) and Walgreens didn’t have any left. I was not happy about this at all.

So we trekked onto Wal-Mart, where I was out for blood. I was pissed that I hadn’t gotten any deals and I hit the aisles with a vengeance. First, I went to the make up aisle- I have an $8 off coupon for 2 CoverGirl products- ANY- which means if I got 2 eyeshadows  at 3.44 each- I would actually be MAKING 1. 12 on that transaction. However, the eyeshadows- all 5 rows of them- were gone. Extreme Couponers had hit.

When we were in the make up aisle, we ran into a lady with a stack of coupons. My friend April, never the shy one, approached her and asked her what was in her cart that was from a coupon. We noticed that she had a whole bunch of Tide single serve detergents. She said that the Tide coupons ($2.00/3 and $1.00/2) didn’t specify the size, so she got the travel size! We did, too.

There was another deal in our midst- Dollar General had a Gillette ProGlide razor for $5.99- at Wal-Mart it was $7.74. So we “price matched” to the lower price… well hot diggity, I had a $5 off coupon for that razor- making it only 97 cents.

Then we went on to the other side of the store. We had coupons for a free 2 liter of Dr. Pepper Ten, and Wal-Mart had been out of these because it was a hot coupon. We got there and there were only TWO left, so we snatched them.

I told April I needed to hit up the Glade Clearance Aisle because there’s always good stuff for rock bottom prices, and with coupons, we’d be nearly free. I scan the Glade and there weren’t any good ones, and then I see some seasonal Febreze on the shelf. They are usually 2.66 apiece and were marked down to $2.25. I had a $2 off/2 coupon, so I usually would have paid $3.32, but I paid only $2.50 for both, making them $1.25 each. (BUT I think the cashier only put it in as a $1 coupon).

I also went to the Pet aisle, where I had a Pupperoni coupon for $2 off of 2 packages. They were 2.48 each, making each one $1.48 apiece. I also had to get cat food (with a coupon!) these were not on my original list, just great bargains in the store!

Altogether I paid $14.36… 46% savings ! Not bad for my first real couponing trip. I had couponed before, but I was doing it all wrong. As the teacher in the class says… “You’re not buying for now. You’re buying for later, when you need it, and you don’t want to pay full price.”

Baby Lisa

Last week, 10-month-old baby Lisa Irwin disappeared from her Kansas City, Missouri home. Her parents claim that an intruder came into their home, and took baby Lisa and their cell phones. If you're not familiar with this story, you can click here to read about it.

As the Amber Alert was issued early Tuesday morning, panic spread across Facebook- my news feed was covered with online flyers and news stories. As spectators we sunk our teeth into every piece of new information that surfaced. We watched the videos of the news conferences, we tried to be "internet sleuths"- we picked apart each quote, each scenario, each facial expression. We tried to solve it in our minds. Why? Because a story like this is bizarre.

Soon, we turned on the parents. Comments turned from horror to accusatory- "she had something to do with it" graced our lips. The first day, we already wanted closure. We reasoned in our minds that a baby would never be kidnapped out of their home by a complete stranger, a la Raising Arizona. We also reasoned that if this unlikely scenario did happen, then the baby would be safe and unharmed.  We waited each day for it to come to a happy ending... but it didn't.

One thing that I have a really hard time with is realizing that some people are, inherently evil, or made so by their environment. While I thought Casey Anthony was guilty, I couldn't wrap my mind around someone who'd do these horrible things. When BTK surfaced, I fought my heart with my mind- he seemed so nice, so unassuming- there's no why he could do these things. I felt bad when his wife left him. I think it speaks to the fact that we all have some naivety in our minds, in our hearts. I'd say I have a pretty good grip on reality, and yet I just can't come to terms with this kind of evil.

It's hard for me to believe that this mother killed her baby. But I can't think of any other reason she'd make up a story such as this. Accidents happen; if the baby fell or passed away, the parents might fear the police but they still should have been called. The story is strange and someone knows where she is and what happened to her. I think about this all the time. I Google it from my phone, first thing in the morning, in case I missed an update. At this point, all it is is speculation. Everyone's speculating, probably even the police. No one knows where to go from here.

I think this is what's so hard about this case.. .as humans we like closure. We want a night, tied up, pretty package. Motive. Means. Opportunity. We don't have that here, which is so frustrating.

Where is Baby Lisa?



Mod Podge Pumpkin Tutorial

Being ever so crafty, I couldn't just get regular pumpkins when I started decorating for fall. I saw this awesome blog post last year and decided that I needed to try the technique out. Mod Podge Pumpkins

So off I went, to Hobby Lobby and Wal-Mart, and collected some supplies.
To do this project you will need:
Pumpkins (real or plastic, same degree of difficulty)
Funky tissue paper and napkins
White paint (acrylic or spray paint)
Mod Podge

As this was my first attempt, I chose a variety of napkins/tissues, paints and assorted pumpkins. The advantage of using the plastic pumpkins is that you'll be able to use these again next year.

(I tried to take pictures during each stage of the process but forgot a few!)

First, paint your pumpkins white. In the past I've used spray paint, but for this project I used acrylic paint. It's your personal preference- if doing this with kids, I'd probably paint them before you brought them in) If you're planning on leaving some of the pumpkin visible, you can use other colors, but for completely covering, it looks better with white :)

Let your pumpkins completely dry. If they aren't dry, the mod podge will not stick.

While your pumpkins are drying, cut your napkins into strips. The main tutorial says to take the backing off of the napkins, but I found that this makes the napkins tear more when you're applying the Mod Podge, so leave the backing on.

Coat the back of the napkin with Mod Podge. It will go on white and dry clear. I used a spongy craft brush. Once you have applied a coat, position your strip onto your pumpkin- I applied vertically and followed the contour of the pumpkin. Push the ends down into the pumpkin's crevices so that nothing is sticking up. Note: Once you put these down, they dry quickly and will not pull up easily without tearing.

I've found that the best way to do this next part is to divide your pumpkin into quarters visually. If you put your strip on one side, go directly across and apply your other strip. Then do the same on the other sides, as if you are cutting a pizza. It should make sense (especially with zebra stripes) to place them right next to each other, but that just doesn't work for me.

Next, wait until your strips are dry on the pumpkin. Then, coat the outside of the strips and pumpkin with more Mod Podge. Be careful as this is still tissue paper that we're working with and it may tear. Dabbing it will be okay. It will look messy as the Mod Podge will go on white, but it will dry glossy and shiny.

Be creative with this project! You can make your pumpkins look any way you want them to! What inspires you?

New York Travel Pt. 2

Planning a trip to New York City is overwhelming, especially if you've never been there before. While wading my way through NYC books, travel guides, websites and friends' advice, I chose things that I absolutely wanted to see, and I knew I would regret not seeing.  Know this: You absolutely can't do everything that you want to do, whether you stay a week or a month.

We purchased the New York Pass, which cost us $140 per person for 2 days. The New York Pass is a great idea in theory. The one we purchased included several bus tours, which we only used twice. It includes 55 attractions in NYC that you could go to for free (because you purchased the pass).

Tip: Loosely plan out your day, but go with the flow. I booked our schedule around what neighborhoods we'd be in. Unfortunately I misunderstood the bus tour and ended up wasting a whole day only doing two things! The first thing you should do, especially if you purchase the bus tour, is start your bus tour as soon as you get there- and don't activate your Pass until the next day (as it will expire at Midnight the last day you can use it).

The bus tour that we hopped on was 2.5 hours long, and it's "hop on, hop off" which, again, sounds like a good deal, but that's if you leisurely want to see the city. (Where we went wrong is that we thought we'd be stopping at all of the stops, which wasn't true, and they kicked us all off at the Statue of Liberty, a long way from where we needed to be!) I suggest taking the Subway, which, on the high end, only costs $2.50 per single ride (cheaper if you get a Metro Card) and it will take you places much quicker than a bus tour or even walking. The subway system is pretty easy to figure out- and I actually enjoyed riding it when we were going really far (and also when it was raining and no cabs would stop!)

We saw the Statue of Liberty, which was included in the NY Pass. Unfortunately, the Pass did not include Monument Access, only a ferry ride to the island! You waited in line to get to the ferry for an hour or two, spend another hour in the security and ferry ride, where you're herded like cattle... and a 15 minute ride to Liberty Island, where you have to avoid thousands of amateur photographers photographing Lady Liberty.

Instead: take a leisurely stroll around the seaport and into Battery Park City, see the water, lovely landscaping and the boats. I was really in awe of the beauty of the New York City park system.

We saw two Broadway shows while in NYC- and if you go, you definitely need to see some! There's so many, one for every taste. If you're a student or have a student ID, check out the "Student Rush" tickets. These are available the day of the show, at the box office, at 10 am. We got two Jersey Boys tickets (2006's Best Broadway Musical) for $27 apiece with a student ID! We also purchased 2 Lion King musical tickets and paid more for them as they weren't eligible for discounts, but they were SO worth it. I researched several musicals online and watched the trailers on YouTube before deciding.

We visited The Bodies exhibit, which was also included on the NY Pass. It was amazing! It had been to the KC area a couple years ago, and if you ever get a chance to see it, take it! It is an exhibit of real bodies and real body parts- everything from lungs to hearts, eyes, brains, everything you could ever imagine... seriously! Some of the most amazing things that I saw were slices of the brain that had had an aneurysm, diseased lungs, the bronchial tubes/trees and different tumors. There was also a "game" called Mindball that you and a partner put sensors on your head and tried to relax as much as possible. As your brainwaves decline, the ball moves. If you "keep your cool" better than your partner, the ball goes into your partner's area and makes a "goal".  Overall, this exhibit was my favorite- it showed you a completely different way to look at your body- from the inside out.

We visited Rockefeller Center, where 30 Rock, Saturday Night Live, and other NBC Shows are filmed. We went to the "Top of the Rock"- 68 floors up, (in 43 seconds!) and got an amazing view of NYC- without the long crowds of The Empire State Building!

We also saw The Lincoln Center, a beautiful fine arts campus. We had a lovely little Swedish tour guide who took us through the different theatres (and we saw Julliard!) and taught us the history.

Go to TIMES SQUARE! Times Square is amazing, invigorating, crowded, and fantastic. Being a small town girl from Missouri, I was in awe. Yes, you have to avoid people who stop in the middle of the block. But there's so much to see! Street vendors serving hot food, street performers dancing, cabs racing at you while you jaywalk, (or even just walk when it's time to walk- they're ruthless).

How Not to Apply for a Job

Dear Prospective Employees,

As I look through your resumes to pass on to the Human Resources person at my agency, I’d like to give you some hints about what to do (and what not to do) when you apply for a position.

First, you need a cover letter. At this point, you’re just a name on a page. You can be discarded or chosen. Your cover letter should consist of several things: the date, your name and contact info, and where you heard about the position. Please do not open a Notepad document and write:

Hello I saw your posting and I want to be considered for a job.
Thank you,
Laylan

The above is not an acceptable cover letter. It’s short, not thought out, and you don’t even say what position you’re applying for! Your cover letter should highlight your experience and attributes that may not be on your resume: “During my college years I also worked full time as an office receptionist, so I am well-versed in multitasking and time management.”

Second, your resume. Listen up, you 2008-2011 graduates who have been/will be battling thousands of unemployed, experienced workers in the worst economy we’ve seen in a century: Your resume has to be strong so that you will stand out from all of the other resumes.  Do not use Microsoft Word and that little helpful paperclip to write your resume.  Start from scratch. Write down what you do, what you’ve done, and don’t lie.

Leave the objective out. No one cares about that anymore, and it’s quite silly looking. Don’t use big words that you used thesaurus.com to find. It makes you look pretentious <-- see what I did there?

Put your best attributes first. Proud of your 4.0 GPA? Put your education (and GPA) at the top. Proud of your experience? Put that first. Don’t be afraid to add in new categories: I have a category on mine called “Community Relations” that talks about my volunteer service, my internship… all of the things that I did above and beyond my work. This category got me my job. Why? Because everything in there showed that I had what it took to manage volunteers at this position, and that I worked hard.

SPELL CHECK. This is 2011. I remember in 1998 when we got our first computer, my dad LOVED spell check. He raved about it! So why are you not spell checking your document before sending it to a potential employer? Also, print it out and read it. If it doesn’t make sense to you, it won’t make sense to the employer. One I looked at today said, “I saw your posting on the sight” and another said, “Sincerely,” with no signature! Umm.. How can you claim that you’re detail oriented when you missed that?

Don’t put that you graduated high school in 1977- this is obviously not relevant to your “education” that we’re seeking. You’d be better off if you just left it off (as we can’t ask you how old you are, so why would you volunteer that information?)

Lastly: Don’t make the HR person call you for your references or employment information. I opened one today that said, *****References available by request*****. First, the asterisks are annoying. Second, No. I’m not going to request them. If you’re not giving me your references, you’re going in the discard pile.

You might think that your resume will stand out better if it’s on blue paper, or if you send it first class mail- unfortunately, the envelope gets thrown away first. Today, I opened all of resumes we received, flattened them out and put them in a pile. I did, though, put one on top: someone had sent a resume in a nice folder marked “Resume”, I thought it was too pretty to discard. She impressed me, so she got the top spot.

Good luck on your job search everyone! I would be happy to look over your resume before you send it out!

Laylan's Guide to New York Travel: Part I

I just got back from a week's trip to New York. Half of it was spent in upstate New York and the other half in New York City. Before I left my quiet hometown in Missouri, I was terrified of the Big Apple. By the time I left, I joked that I was a "seasoned New Yorker". Not quite... but definitely a confident traveler.

I've put together several tips and tricks, plus stories, about my New York trip. I hope if you go there, you'll heed my warnings and not be a pesky New York tourist that we hear so much about.

First things first: Where to stay in New York City?
I poured over hundreds of hotels on hotels.com, orbitz.com and priceline.com before I finally settled on The Hampton Inn at Madison Square Garden. Where you stay in NYC is important because the bedbug epidemic has hit the city very hard. I also didn't want to pay more than $200 per night (several NYers told me this was impossible- but I did it!) I checked it on bedbugregistry.com, and checked the hotels.com deals- there was a 20% off deal for my travel dates! I booked everything for $203 per night! I booked it, even though the deal was nonrefundable- sometimes you have to take risks!

Myth: New York City isn't safe!  FALSE.
Actually, NYC isn't even one of the top 25 most dangerous cities in the United States. In fact, my own Kansas City is on this list- and NYC isn't. A good explanation for this is that NYC has installed security cameras and crime has dropped 19%. Of course, NYC is not without crime- you have to be observant, confident and self-aware. I felt 100% safe walking down the street during the day and night.

Myth: New Yorkers are so rude! FALSE.
I asked several NYers for directions when we got turned around and every single one of them was helpful and nice. At one point, I was on the wrong subway and ended up in Brooklyn. I found the first person I could that looked friendly and asked her- and she sent me on the right train. I always looked for cops, construction workers, friendly looking chubby motherly types, or young girls. When none of those were available, I went for couples or bicyclists. At one point, a lady gave me wrong directions for the subway. She told me to get on the #2 train when really I should be on the #1. I thanked her and went down the steps to the trains. She came running after me, about 5 minutes later, out of breath. "I told you the wrong train!" she said. She was so worried that she had sent me the wrong way!

Myth: Everything is expensive in New York City! True/False. NYC is expensive in the regard that you're eating out every meal, you're not driving so you must either walk, take the subway ($2.50 per single ride), or take a cab (3.00 + .40 per 1/4 mile). The subway was my favorite mode of transportation, as it got us everywhere we needed to go for much cheaper than a cab ride. Cabs were good, too, though, when it was convienent and you were going somewhere directly- or didn't have time to get to a subway.

Food Tips for Eating in NYC:
The first night we were in NYC, we had pizza. Adam, who drinks like a fish, sucked down 3 Pepsis and I had 2 Dr. Peppers. When we got the bill, we were shocked to find that they had charged us for every refill- $2.50 a pop! $12.50 worth of soda on one bill! We drank water the rest of the time in NYC.

Don't eat at chain restaurants. You're in NYC. Why would you eat at Red Lobster??
Go off the beaten path- we went to 9th Avenue to an area called "Restaurant Row"- tons of restaurants for much cheaper than in Times Square- Adam and I both ate dinner and an appetizer for $30.00.
Try the street vendors! - We ate hot dogs, by the slice pizza, and chicken kebabs from street vendors- for cheap!
Check out restaurant.com for gift certificates. Before I left I went to restaurant.com and purchased gift certificates for $25 at the low price of $10- and we ate well at restaurants that we probably wouldn't have found without the site.
Indulge. New York City is a great place to indulge, so have a budget, but spoil yourself. In a city of such great food and drink, there's no reason to deprive yourself.

In my next post, I will write about the sites we saw and the touristy things we did! Stay tuned for more!

Roxy

Universal AdCom/HomeTown Productions Scam

I'm the advertising coordinator at my workplace and I've been dealing with Universal AdCom since I started working here. They run a pretty slimy business and pit coworkers against each other, but I've finally decided to take a stand and do something about this. This post was inspired by Kina, a business owner from Oregon. When I googled Hometown Productions and Universal Adcom, her blog post came up- from 2008.

The Scam: This company cold calls companies (mostly nonprofits) and offers them ad space on various products such as maps for your city or magnets. The caller tells you that these products are distributed around the city. They usually say, "I'm calling with the City of Warrensburg (or WHS, etc).  They claim that other businesses in your area are on board with this (They name off a few for authenticity). Usually they will claim that you have already ordered this (or ordered in the past and it's an automatic renewal) and they're just calling to check on changes. When you say you don't want it, they tell you that they've already been printed, so you can get them for a cheaper price. They then say they will give you a complimentary box of the product. Months later, you get billed for $299 or $399. They come automatically, even if you've cancelled or said that you do not want them.

Whoever they're talking to, they claim that it was one of your coworkers that ordered them. In my case, they implicated my Executive Director, who doesn't order these things. When we caught onto this, we started directing everything through me- so that I could track my budget and what we have purchased. They are also not affiliated with anyone that they say they are, like the city or the high school. I have actually called the schools and Chamber to see if they are legit and when the caller calls back, I confront them. They bold-face lie. They say, "Did you talk to so- and-so?" Usually I get hung up on.

Another kicker is that you get the product, they do not distribute like they say that they do. In fact, they also only make room enough for your ad on YOUR product, and then do the same for the other companies. My coworker saw a stack of identical magnets like ours with a different business in the spot where our ad was.

What Really Happens: I have confronted them and told them that there's no way that they have already printed these if they were just calling me that day for the changes. It's all semantics with them. "Well, I didn't say they had been printed yet" (After she just did) And I say, "Then what's the problem? I don't want your product." A couple of months later (When your memory has faded a bit) you get boxes of "complimentary product". And a bill/invoice.

Last time that I spoke to them, I told them that we would not be ordering it. Three months later, I get this: Invoice and a box of "complimentary maps" for Benton and St. Clair County. We don't even SERVE St. Clair county. So, I call up HomeTown Productions.

I speak to a woman named Marlin (Who knows if that's her real name) and I ask her why we received it, as we didn't order it. I go on to tell her that the person who has been claimed ordered it wasn't even here that day.  I told her that we would not be paying for it. She looked up my account and said that these were "complimentary" and our balance is $0.00. I ask her why I got this invoice, then. She said, "We like to send out invoices for your records." I tell her that it appears that they're asking for $299.50 in payment. She says, "No ma'am, your balance is $0.00." I ask her to look at any other accounts, as we will not be purchasing anything, and they better not send us anything else either. She says all of our accounts are closed and we will not be billed. Ha. We'll see.

I look closer at the Invoice. It's very, very sneaky. For example,  it says "complimentary product" but it still says, "Total: $299.50." They have left out the word, "Due" as in, "Total Amount Due". Just "Total 299.50". This allows them to say, "Oh those are complimentary, you don't owe anything." if we're on to them. Then WHY, at the bottom, do you have a "Detach Portion with Payment" that says, "Amount: 299.50"? If this truly was honest, it would say, "0.00" due. It doesn't say "Due" anywhere.

Customer Service is hard to get ahold of- the phone number on the invoice will not take you to CS. You call them and they will give you a different number to get ahold of CS. And they defend it to the death. They really are sneaky, and shady. They're also known by 15 different names:

So at this point I decided to write this blog post, about them and their deceptive techniques. I hope people will happen upon this just as I did with Kina's post, and know what to do when they call.

Remember: Always check things out. You're not being rude by asking them to call back, by calling the school/business that they're "representing" (Plus, don't you think that if your kid's school was selling magnets, they'd let you know so you could buy from them?)

Always get their name and company and GOOGLE their phone number. You'll find some interesting information.

Links about them:
Universal Ad-Con
BBB Article about them



Scariest Day of My Life

This weekend, I headed down to the lake for the Fourth of July weekend. I hadn't seen my mom since late April, so I was excited to spend the weekend with her. I spoke to her Saturday morning and she sounded tired. She said that she had a fever and wasn't feeling well, not sleeping well and she was going to rest.

By the time I reached the lake, my sister called me and told me to meet her at the hospital ER, as our mother had just been taken in. My sister said that Mom was confused and she wasn't able to make complete sentences. At this point, I knew that something was terribly wrong.

My sister Kiley, who had realized that Mom was not well that morning, had insisted that she go to Urgent Care, who sent her to the hospital. Kiley and I went back to see Mom, who had been tucked into an exam room. She was hooked up to an IV, in a hospital bed, and smiled when I came in. She tried to explain how she was feeling- but got stalled on the words. She knew what she wanted to say, but it couldn't come out. Her lip quivered; I knew that she was on the verge of tears. Honestly, I was too. I've never seen my mother this way before.

We talked amongst ourselves and Mom continued to try to talk to us for awhile. The doctor and nurses came and went, drawing blood, taking her blood pressure and temperature, examining her. Soon, my other sisters were there- all four of us were in the exam room with her. We huddled around her bed. Mom heard the doctor mention West Nile Virus and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.

We stayed with her for hours, until they finally decided to admit her. She was taken to a hospital room at 8:30, and her speech hadn't improved. My sisters and I were panicking; the doctors were stumped at this point and we were worried that her condition would continue to worsen. At 9:30, a new diagnosis emerged: meningitis. We were told that if we wanted to see her, we had to put on hospital gowns, masks and gloves. Fearing for her condition, the doctor called for a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) that night- no need to wait for morning. When I left the hospital that night around eleven, we had no answers- my sister Lauren insisted on sleeping in the chair next to Mom's bed in case something happened overnight.

Many people who lose their parents do not get a chance to say goodbye; as my mother struggled to speak to us, I realized that this was a very real possibility- that I would have to say goodbye. What do you say to someone that may not survive the night? Panic set in and I didn't know what I should tell her- that I loved her? Of course. I briefly thought about what life would be like without her- unbearable.

I was restless that night and we returned to the hospital early the next morning- and were told that we didn't have to put on the gowns and masks. Her diagnosis was viral meningitis, but it wasn't contagious- and we'd be able to be near her without taking any other precautions. The medicine was also working wonders- she could speak with only a few stalls and she would be able to go home as soon as she felt better.

The panic that I felt the day before disappeared- I was so grateful and cheerful that my mama was going to be okay. It made me realize that all of those silly things that we think are important- squabbles and disagreements with family members- they're not worth it. Love your family members, make up with them after tiffs, and always forgive- because one day, they might be gone in a blink of an eye.

Go Dog Go

Go Dog Go is the very first book I ever read. Agreed, I probably memorized it from my dad reading it to me so many times, but still, it was my favorite. If you've never read it, you should- it's beginner's reading book and it's fantastic. It's basically about dogs in cars. And at the end they go to a party. One of my earliest memories is crawling onto my dad's lap and reading this together. To this day, it's still his favorite story to tell about my childhood.

With Father's Day coming up, I felt that I should dedicate a blog to my dad, and all dads/daddies/papas/pops out there! I am my dad's only biological child, and I got a lot of attention. I had one of those hands-on dads- he was never too busy to play, teach me how to ride my bike, read to me, or prune me to be a CMSU graduate. We baked cakes together one night a week, which would feed the family during snacks for the rest of the week.

My dad was at every school function, even when I was in 5th grade and got the "lead role" in a silly skit about the sun and the moon, and no other parents came, but both of my parents and grandparents were there! He even almost got fired when he told his boss that he'd be taking the morning off to take me to my first day of kindergarten. We played a duet together at my piano recital. We watched South Park in its very early days (much to my mother's dismay). When he bought a racecar (I'm still convinced that was a midlife crisis) I sat in the stands and cheered for him every week.

My dad's my best friend- he gets me like no one really does. I'm proud to be his daughter, and I'm proud to have a dad like him- because he's the "cool dad". Everyone who meets him tells me how awesome he is. What I really like is the way he can meet and talk to anyone and instantly that person likes him. He calls it his "salesman ability". I see a lot of my dad in Adam, even though at the beginning I didn't see it. All the things I love about my dad- I love about Adam, too.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy.

Love, Gully

I fell in love over the weekend.

I fell in love with Adam all over again this weekend. I think that there's some sort of camraderie that forms when you work side by side together. I've noticed how close I feel to him when we work out at the gym, and it was the same kind of bond that we had as we unpacked and organized donations this weekend.

We cried together as we drove through Joplin, we got angry together when we saw tourists snapping pictures of the rubble. As we met his family, he smiled at me with this geniune adoration as I told stories I've told a million times. A weekend away from the hustle and bustle of our routine and our every day lives was exactly what we needed.

When I look at his grandfather, I see Adam. I can imagine Adam at 90 years old, because that's Chester. He's wise, smart, cultured, and witty. He loves his family but he's anything but naive. Last week someone said to me, "Adam really is charming. The first time I met him, I knew he was very intelligent." That's exactly how I felt when I met him. He was well-read; an eloquent speaker; he was wonderful. He is wonderful.

He makes me smile and laugh, and I am so glad we had this weekend together because it really put us back together. The stresses of our lives melted away. It was the simple things this weekend; driving together for three hours; stopping at the cheese factory for samples and Adam telling me he'd buy me the $13 block of Gruyere if I wanted it, and me, politely declining because it was too much; getting Olive Garden desserts to go and sitting with our legs crossed on the bed, plastic silverware in front of us, Adam spooning himself a bite and then watching the look on my face when I tasted the delicious cake. He smiles- a geniune, loving, sweet, wonderful smile. It's easy. It isn't forced.

He adores me, and I kinda like him too.

Home Sweet Home (A Reflection)

Today is the last day of my weekend, and we are finally home from Joplin. I am still so deeply troubled by what I saw there. I took a fully charged camera with me, but I didn't snap a single picture. I had intended on taking pictures and sharing what I saw with friends and family. However, once we got there, it was a whole different feeling. I felt like a voyeur as we drove past families in their yards, amid rubble and memories of their whole lives. I instantly felt that taking pictures of people's devastation and pain was disrespectful of the dead and the living.

The first day that we were in Joplin, we drove down Rangeline Rd. I thought what I saw there was the extent of the damage, but I was so very wrong. On Rangeline, part of the business district, tops of buildings were caved in, a chinese restaurants 20 ft tall metal sign was twisted and bent, lying parallel to the ground.

As we turned onto 20th St to drive to dinner,  I soon realized that Rangeline was lucky. 20th St had more damage that anything I had seen so far. Houses were flattened; naked tree branches jutted into the blue sky, with blunt edges, severed with chainsaws. Eerie sights were abound- free standing refrigerators, bricks in toppled messes, branches... street signs were gone, and the street names were spray painted onto the asphalt, giving direction to travelers who couldn't find their way... even Joplin residents who had grown up on the streets were lost on the wrecked streets.

At night we pulled into our hotel parking lot, next to a van with all of its windows blown out. They were covered with plastic bags, and the inside was filled to the brim with all of the remnants of their lives. Clothes, dishes, anything that could be salvaged from their home, was now in their van. In front of the room was the family, a man in a wheelchair with a broken leg. I gave him a sympathetic smile and he returned it. My heart ached for him.

We take our lives for granted sometimes, and my experience in Joplin has made me hold Adam a little closer, spend a little more time with my family and be grateful, and so thankful for my home, job, car, belongings. Knowing that it could be wiped away in one powerful storm is the most humbling experience of all.

I'll end on a happy note: Joplin is struggling, but they have resolve. They are a city of great courage and I admire them. God loves Joplin- people from all over have rallied together to help this city pick up the pieces. Free food was given out on every street corner- churches, civic organizations, kids, senior citizens- they gave what they could. They gave their time, energy, money, donations- as if to say, "You're not alone in this, Joplin. We love you."

A Volunteer's Heart

On May 22, 2011, a powerful tornado swept through Joplin, MO, crushing a path six miles wide. While a tornado is devastating to any town, it takes on a whole new meaning when the town is close to your heart. I had never been to Joplin before I met Adam. His family is here- his parents both grew up here- and when we started dating we started coming to Joplin to visit his aunt and grandparents. I fell in love with Joplin- and when the tornado struck, I felt helpless- but I still wanted to help. Now we're here, almost two weeks later, and the destruction can't be put into words.

We arrived this morning and went to MSSU where we reported for volunteer service. We were informed that fieldwork (IE debris cleanup) was already full, so we would be going to a "warehouse" to sort through donations. I prayed that this warehouse was air-conditioned as temperatures climbed to 98 degrees. We loaded a school bus and were let off at the Joplin Regional Airport warehouse.

As we walked in, things were a mess. There were kids toys, canned goods, toilet paper, paper towels, deodorant... anything that you could ever imagine. I was instantly overwhelmed. An older woman, Cici, announced that everything had its place and each pallet needed to be sorted. I started ripping open bags and sorting.

One of the men that was working next to me said to me, "You know, I wish they would have just donated money." That kind of struck me. I thought at first, how dare he say that! These people gave from their hearts. But then I realized- he was right.

I felt that the donations, while given with good intentions, were overwhelming for volunteers, who instead could be helping cleaning up Joplin's crushed homes. As a volunteer, you shouldn't ask, "What can I give?". Instead, you should ask, "What do they need?" The answer to that is: money. Monetary donations are going to go a lot further to rebuild Joplin than cans of tomato soup and hotel sized shampoos. Further, a lot of people sent garage sale fare- dirty, heavily used and sometimes broken toys, soiled linens, and Easter candy- melted Snickers. Sometimes, I wonder what goes through people's minds...


We worked for three hours and almost completely finished with the entire warehouse. There were about fifteen of us, including AmeriCorps workers and a man from Houston, Texas who drove 16 hours to be here after hearing about the tornado.

Being a volunteer takes patience, flexibility, and generosity- of your time and energy. After three hours, I was wiped out. I had downed two bottles of water and was about to pass out from heat exhaustion. But after three hours, seeing that warehouse transformed from an unsorted mess to a clean floor and perfectly packaged pallets, I knew that we had done something good for people that had lost everything.

PS- If you ever get a chance to volunteer with your significant other, i suggest doing so! Adam and I worked as a team today as we went through boxes and sorted items. At the end of the day, we walked hand in hand to the bus. The bus driver smiled at us. I said to him, "I'm really glad we got to do this together." He kissed my hand and said, "Me too." It's amazing how close you feel to someone when you change the world together.

Adopt a Dog: A Plea

In two years, we have owned three dogs. Roxy was a stray dog that we kept after searching for her owner. She was a great dog, but I thought she was lonely. Adam and I fought about it, as he said that we didn't have enough room or money for a second dog. In the end, I won, and we went to pick out a second dog.

We knew that we wanted to adopt a dog from a shelter as there are so many dogs in the shelter that need good homes. We took Roxy to a shelter and let her "pick one out". The first dog that we chose didn't work out: he was growling at her while she sniffed him. The second, Trixie, was a tree walker coonhound, with long ears and tall, skinny legs. I would have never picked her out, but she and Roxy got along right away. They played in an outside pen and on the way home, they cuddled in the backseat. I knew right away that they were going to be best friends.

In December 2010, tragedy struck and we lost Trixie, and Roxy had her leg amputated. Roxy was so depressed during her recovery and I could barely get out of bed. I cried nonstop. In March 2011, we spread Trixie's ashes and considered getting a new dog. We tread lightly on this because we knew no one could replace Trixie. We went to the shelter and tried out a few dogs, but none really worked out. All of the sudden, behind the counter, I saw a timid black dog, who I assumed was a puppy because of her small stature. I said, "What about that one?" They brought this dog, named Cherry, out to meet Roxy. All of the sudden, Cherry's tail started wagging. "I've never seen her act like that!" said the girl behind the counter. We took Cherry home that night.

The first couple of days, Cherry did not like us all that much. She was scared and wouldn't move from the couch. She sat, almost lifeless, as we brought her food and water to her. When we let her outside, she either tried to escape or hid under the deck, shivering. I cried and told Adam that we should return her. She wasn't even playing with Roxy. I missed Trixie so badly in those moments. This dog wasn't for me, I thought. Adam asked me to give it just one more day and see if Cherry warmed up.

The next day, Cherry, now named Cora, transformed. She was bright, tail wagging, playing with Roxy, and licking me! She was a completely different dog. Cora has turned into a wonderful, sweet dog that greets me at the door with kisses and hugs. She follows me around the house and cuddles right next to me at night. She even takes naps with me!

We've come a long way from adopting Trixie a year ago. I never would have picked out Trixie, or Cora. But those two dogs have changed my life. The Warrensburg shelter is full right now and several dogs will be euthanized if not adopted by Thursday, June 2nd. Please, if you're looking for a new dog, consider adopting from the shelter. It's a great deal- they come microchipped and everything- and you're saving two lives in the process- you adopt one and another dog gets that cage and gets to live. Please consider adopting instead of going to a breeder or a pet store. 

We didn't necessarily have the time, energy, money or room for a second dog, but we opened our hearts and made it happen. It was the best decision of our lives.


Open your heart

Patches

Two years ago, I met someone. I didn't expect that someone to become anything but a footnote in my life. Now, two years later, we live together, we have a house, and two adopted dogs. We're a family.

But lately things haven't been so great. What's become of our relationship? Fights, lies, slamming doors and couch-sleeping. Patches. Patching things up to make them work. I feel like my whole life has become a patchwork quilt, just mending what is broken for the temporary, and not knowing how to reupholster my life.

I've always prided myself on my communication skills, and I have tried repeatedly to figure out what has happened to us. I ask questions and I get lies. I ask more questions and he shuts down. What's the point? Why hide what you feel? What is going on in YOUR HEAD?

I'm exhausted at this point. I don't want to be there anymore. This isn't the life that I thought I would be living. But what if this is just a speedbump? What if things WILL get better? What if he's the one I'm supposed to be with?

I'm not afraid of being alone, of starting over, even though that depresses me. I am exhausted by the thought of all the energy it's going to take to start over- energy and money. Find a place, move all of my stuff, what will we do with the dogs? Lately they're all I look forward to. Start over. Shoulder all of the bills again.

And then what happens? If he apologizes, begs me back like he has a million times? What do I do? Move back in? Uproot my life yet again? It's all too exhausting to think about.

I just. dont. know.what. to.do.anymore.

The Art of Mothering

moth·er/ˈməT͟Hər/

Verb: Bring up (a child) with care and affection: "the art of mothering".

Mother's Day is generally reserved for mothers that gave birth to children, but I've come to realize in the last couple of years that a mother can be anyone who possesses those general "mothering" qualities, and that cares for others as she would care for children. Below I have detailed the mothers in my life who have made an impact on me.

My sisters: I have three older sisters and my first niece was born when I was 5 years old, so they were more little sisters to me than nieces. I was a built in babysitter from the age of eleven, and took part in disciplining and caring for them. They have become beautiful kids, all seven of them, thanks in big part to my sisters, who have brought them up with poise, care and love. They are the smartest kids I know, and I am proud to call them family :)
                                               My sisters, me and my Mom (in the middle)

Adam's aunts and sister: Adam's mother passed away when he was young and over the years he spent time with various aunts and his sister. These women helped make him kind, sensitive, sweet, and loving. They all cared for Adam when he needed them; he lived with a few of them during various times in his life. They weren't his natural mothers, but they opened their hearts and homes to him.
                                                    Adam and his wonderful sister Cara

I really admire my friend Jacque for her mothering skills. She had baby Madelyn about a year and a half ago and she is the happiest baby I know. Most mothers enjoy being with their children, but Jacque takes it to a whole new level. I can usually control my baby instincts, but when I'm around Madelyn, I want a baby just like her. She's smart and sweet and so affectionate- because Jacque is. She spends time with her, makes her own baby food, just generally is happy and excited to be a mother. I want to be just like her when I have a baby Laylan.
                                                            Jacque and baby Maddie

And lastly, I am not a mother to children but I am a mother to two wonderful dogs, Roxy and Cora. We adopted Roxy in Feb 2010 and in July 2010 got her a friend, Trixie. In December 2010, tragedy struck our family. Roxy and Trixie escaped and Trixie passed away, and Roxy's hip was crushed. Two surgeries later, Roxy was a three legged dog. We nursed her back to health, taking her out to the bathroom on a leash, making sure she had her pain medicine and lifting her 60 lb body onto the bed so that she could sleep near us. She has inspired us with the resolve and a "can-do" attitude. Sometimes she falls, but she has learned how to live her life as a three legged dog and nothing can stop her.
                                                                        Roxy and Trixie

In March we adopted Cora from an animal shelter. The first day, she loved Roxy but wouldn't show any type of affection toward us. We gave her a chance and brought her home, where she lay on the couch, almost lifeless, for 2 days. When we let her out to potty, she hid under the deck for 4 hours, shivering. I didn't have faith, I thought she needed to be returned to the shelter. Adam asked to keep her one more night. That night, she blossomed. She is the sweetest, loving dog that we could ask for to be a friend to Roxy. They play constantly, wrestle, groom each other, and were instant best friends. They really are my children.

Roxy, a 3 legged dog, and Cora

Happy Mother's Day, whether you're a furmother, a child's mother, a surrogate mother, or any other "mother"!

What did you name your kid?

My name is Laylan, and I have always gotten compliments on my unique- and original- name. My name stems from the Eric Clapton song "Layla", but my parents thought that lots of people would name their kid Layla, so they added an "n" to the end and it has a very pleasant, roll of the tongue sort of sound to it. My father got to name me, and he has always expressed that because he had a generic, overused name, (David), that he wanted me to be different. My middle name is a family name. Alas, Laylan Leola was born.

We live in a society that encourages individuality, so it is no wonder that so many parents want their child to stand out- but why would you want to give your child a name that no one can pronounce? I once met a woman named Shawntreneisha. Her name did not fit on her social security card. it just said Shawntrene. What a poor child to have to spell that name as a kindergartner!

Celebrities have always named their children crazy names, partially because they are attention whores. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon had twins and named them Moroccan & Monroe. Moroccan. As in, the nationality. As in, "This is my child, Swedish. This is my child Canadian." You can read more about wacky names here:  Celebrity Baby Names

Also, sometimes when you name your child a name that you think is unique, many other people think it's unique too. Which is where this list came from: Most Hated Baby Names. Names like Jayden, Brayden, Peyton, any Mc name- McKenna, Mackenzie, etc. apparently make people "bristle" when they hear them.

All of this being said, you can name your child whatever you want- but don't go overboard and sling a bunch of consonants together and call it "a name". I really feel that a child's character starts with the name that they are given. I really feel that people with solid names, with names that come from deep thought and meaning, help shape the person your child becomes. Would I have grown up to be outspoken and quirky with a name like Jessica? Probably not, because I learned from a very young age to explain my name. It helped me come out of my shell, and it's always an icebreaker. On the other hand, it's not too complex and people rarely pronounce it wrong (other than Adam's grandfather, who insists my name is Leland)

Give your child a name with purpose- something with meaning-  a name that he or she can be proud of.

Can I Miss Someone I've Never Met?

Mother's Day is coming up and it always makes me a little sad for Adam. His mother passed away when he was younger and it sounds strange, but I sometimes have a hard time dealing with it. 

My mom and I are very close, and I have a lot of memories of her when I was little, but it's hard for me to distinguish those that came before I was a teenager. Memories tend to muddle together, and when you've had someone in your life for so long, you tend to always think of them being there, so it's hard for you to remember when they weren't. Adam's mother passed away when he was eleven years old, fifteen years before I met him. He's been alive longer without her than with her.

When I met Adam and he told me the story of his mother, I cried. I remember my heart aching for him, for her, for the whole family. I know how much I rely on my mother, and I can't imagine being without her in my life. I ask him questions about her... what kind of perfume did she wear? what did her voice sound like? would she have liked me?

I think about all of the things that she has missed out on, all of the times that he could have used her advice, her hugs, her smile, just to help him through the day. In the two years that we've been together, she's become a part OUR story, not just Adam's. We talk about her, we pray to her sometimes for guidance. Not a day goes by that we don't think about her and her impact on us.

She's been gone for over fifteen years, and yet, when people find out that I'm dating Adam they just beam with stories about her. How kind, sweet, wonderful, generous she was. My heart aches at this. I think about her sometimes, I think about how life would be if she were alive. If she and I would have been friends, sharing recipes and watching Extreme Couponing and going on shopping trips together.

What I ache for the most is that she didn't get to see the wonderful, kind, sweet, generous and loving man that Adam has become- and I can't help but think that maybe she is with  us, and everything I love about him--- it's just her, shining through.