My mom and I are very close, and I have a lot of memories of her when I was little, but it's hard for me to distinguish those that came before I was a teenager. Memories tend to muddle together, and when you've had someone in your life for so long, you tend to always think of them being there, so it's hard for you to remember when they weren't. Adam's mother passed away when he was eleven years old, fifteen years before I met him. He's been alive longer without her than with her.
When I met Adam and he told me the story of his mother, I cried. I remember my heart aching for him, for her, for the whole family. I know how much I rely on my mother, and I can't imagine being without her in my life. I ask him questions about her... what kind of perfume did she wear? what did her voice sound like? would she have liked me?
I think about all of the things that she has missed out on, all of the times that he could have used her advice, her hugs, her smile, just to help him through the day. In the two years that we've been together, she's become a part OUR story, not just Adam's. We talk about her, we pray to her sometimes for guidance. Not a day goes by that we don't think about her and her impact on us.
She's been gone for over fifteen years, and yet, when people find out that I'm dating Adam they just beam with stories about her. How kind, sweet, wonderful, generous she was. My heart aches at this. I think about her sometimes, I think about how life would be if she were alive. If she and I would have been friends, sharing recipes and watching Extreme Couponing and going on shopping trips together.
What I ache for the most is that she didn't get to see the wonderful, kind, sweet, generous and loving man that Adam has become- and I can't help but think that maybe she is with us, and everything I love about him--- it's just her, shining through.
Laylan - This was beautiful...it made me cry. Mother's Day is always the hardest for me, but thank you for celebrating her in this way.
ReplyDeleteI often feel sad for Adam, and even Josh, that they weren't older and didn't know our mom as well as, or in the same way, I did. Losing her was truly life changing for all of us, but I'm thankful for the silver lining. Out of something tragic came an appreciation and strong friendship I share with my three amazing, intelligent and good-hearted brothers I probably wouldn't have otherwise. Thank you so much for your tribute! I wish you could have known her.