Overwhelmingly Overwhelmed.

I've recently started a diet--- err, lifestyle change, inspired by Luke and Leah's Weight Loss. I've started a low carb diet, hoping to jumpstart some weight loss. I'm only on day 2, and while this morning I was feeling great, I was in tears by 7 o'clock this evening.

This isn't new for me- when I change my eating habits, I have an overload of emotions. When I worked out with my trainer, I would eat well all day, work out with her, and come home and cry all night. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I think that the overall weight loss goal- I need to lose a whopping 120 lbs to even get into the high range of my weight class- is so incredibly scary to me. Everyone says, take it day by day. And I try, but it just kills me.

So tonight, when I was pumped up for Zumba and I called 5 people to go with me- all of them declined- and I couldn't find my right shoes to work out- I just burst into tears. I curled up into a ball on the couch and sobbed. My boyfriend looked at me with sadness and bewilderment. I ended up not going. It's only 7:11 and I'm already regretting not going, but when I'm in these moods, I feel myself fighting back tears while doing the workout.

This part may get me in trouble. I have several facebook friends that have gotten Lap Band and gastric bypass surgery. I'm incredibly jealous of this. Because, like them, I've struggled with my weight for years. (about 15). Unlike them, I can't afford the surgery. I can't afford it, and Adam isn't in the military- so insurance covering it is also out of the question. I'm also not going to take out a $15,000-$20,000 loan. I'm not saying that weight loss surgeries are cheating, but a part of me feels that having a surgery puts you leaps and bounds before me in the weight loss game.

So, here I am. Tomorrow's day 3. I've heard that after day 3 you don't crave the carbs as much. I don't worry about craving the carbs as much as getting bored with the selection that I have. Today while I was eating green beans and chicken and salad, I wanted to steal my coworkers Spanish Rice.

I hope things get better... this is life or death now.