How Therapy Has Changed My Life

Some of my longtime readers may remember a disastrous therapy session I had in February 2011. I never thought I'd return to a therapist's office, until I faced a devastating job loss in February 2012. I had visited my regular doctor and told her that I was experiencing extreme anxiety. I asked if she could refer someone who didn't charge a lot, as I was unemployed and soon to be without health insurance. She gave me a cell phone number for Mike on a Yellow Post-it. "I've heard he's great," she said. I called him as soon as I got home and left a teary message on his voicemail.

"My name is Laylan. I just lost my job and I'm feeling very lost. I really need to talk to someone about how to deal with this. I don't have a lot of money to pay. Please call me back." It was a vulnerable moment and I remember crying just leaving the message.

He called me back awhile later and we set up an appointment. And before we got off the phone, he said, "We're going to get through this together." I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of peace at that moment. I didn't know him, he didn't know me, but he was promising to help me- and I wouldn't have to carry this burden alone.

I'm sharing my therapy story because there is such a negative social stigma associated with therapy, and I'd like to dispel that. By all accounts, I am a normal, healthy, happy, 25 year old. I didn't have a bad childhood or a bad adulthood (so far). What I stand to show is that therapy isn't something to be ashamed of, but rather something that you can be proud of: working on yourself from the inside out.

There are several things I've learned from Mike that I'd like to share.

#1: It's okay to have doubts in your life.
When I met Mike and he asked me about Adam, I was so defensive. I'd adopted such a "Me and Adam against the world" mentality, because so many people had discouraged Adam and I from dating, saying that Adam was incapable of doing anything with his life. What I learned very quickly was that it's okay to have doubts, and I do have doubts. Part of my issue is anxiety- I worry about things that are likely not going to happen, and things that likely will never be a big issue in our lives. But it's okay to have questions and work through them early. It's all about facing what ails you.

#2: "I need to be selfish for once in my life."
I've been taking care of everyone in my life since I was a preteen making dinner from my grandmothers cookbook. Recently, I shared something with Mike and I thought he'd judge me. He didn't. I told him that I needed to be selfish, think about myself, and do what makes me happy right now. I expected him to chastize me for the decision. Because selfishness is never encouraged! And he said, "Do it. You're young. The sun is shining. In fact, I condone it. My job here is to help you be the happiest you can be. So if that makes you happy, do it." I was a bit taken aback. I've always done what was expected of me, following the course of what was laid in front of me. Be selfish was never in the cards. But now it is, and I feel so free to do it.

#3: Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
As I sat in his office in February and cried about my loss of identity, he didn't assure me I'd find a job soon like everyone else did. He validated my reasons for feeling lost and cared about how I was processing such a huge gap in my life. There were days that I would walk in and cry the moment I sat down. By the end of the session, even if I had sobbed all the way through it, I felt so much more confident walking out than I did walking in. There have been a select few times that I've even called him after hours, having panic attacks. He always answers and we work through it together.

#4: Therapy doesn't last forever, unless you want it to.
When I met Mike I thought as soon as I got a new job, I wouldn't need him anymore. But as we started peeling back the layers of my life, I realized that this was only a piece of my anxiety, which I've had since I was a teenager. We would sidetrack on other topics, the loss of friendships, a breakup that impacted my life, Adam, my family, how I was feeling that week. We'd work on things together and talk them out, and as we continued to do that I just opened up and started owning my feelings. I accept my doubts, my confidences, my talents, my skills, my past.

Lately, as I leave, Mike tells me how proud he is of me. He tells me that I've come a long way. I know he's right. I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness some days. Some days I still have my crying fits, I sink into the depression that caught hold of me for three months while I desperately searched for a job. But for the most part, I'm confident and enjoying the new clarity I have in my life. I don't know where I'd be without Mike right now. As I think that our time together comes to a close, I look back and thank him for being there for me, for letting me be selfish when I needed to, for validating my concerns and reassuring me when I felt like I was the worst person in the world.

I wrote this because as I've opened up about my therapy sessions with Mike, people have told me that they've considered meeting with a counselor but haven't because they didn't know what to expect. I would encourage anyone thinking about therapy to go to a session and talk about what's bothering you. We could all benefit from an objective, human sounding board!